Moving On After Your Relationship Ends

Some of the most emotional periods of our life occur at the end of a relationship. We know we need to move on but we are unsure of how to do that.

Breaking-up with someone brings on the sense of permanent loss, not that unlike the death of a loved one. Someone we loved and had so much fun and excitement with, someone who made us feel so good, is no longer a part of our lives. It can cause a tremendous sense of loss and grief.

Here are some tips and some reminds for coping with your recent break-up, and some advice for how to move on with your life.

Immediate Steps to Moving On

  • Stop All Contact. You'll never be able to successfully move on if you keep calling, or showing up, or going to their workplace. You need to cut this person completely out of your life for quite some time in order to get yourself past this point.
  • Don't Bring Their Stuff Back! Don't fall into the trap of making up excuses in order to see him/her. Load up all of their belongings that are still in your apartment, call a cab, fill up the back seat, pay him and give him the address to drop it off at.
  • Don't Go Back. Your relationship ended for a reason. Now I know you'll be feeling sad, and lonely, and you'll want to fall back into that sense of familiarity, but don't! It's over! The longer you waste with this person, the longer you'll be putting off meeting the person that IS right for you.
  • Quit Beating Yourself Up. You are lovable. Sure you have faults, who doesn't? But there IS someone else waiting in the world to meet you.
  • Don't Jump Into Another Relationship. Give yourself some time. You need to heal from the relationship that ended before you can jump into a new one, or it doesn't have much of a chance to survive either. You want your next relationship to start fresh, and not to be plagued by your thoughts and fears from this last break-up.

Things to Do To Keep Your Mind Off Your Break-Up

  • Make Yourself Feel Good. Girls - Go to that mall and get your hair done. Guys - Go to that barber down the street for a good shave and a trim. Buy something you've always wanted. Stop for that ice cream cone - you deserve it.
  • Call Up Some Old Friends. It's inevitable when you get into a relationship - you spend less and less time with your friends and more and more time with your partner. Call up some friends and schedule some fun. But don't bring them all down by bathering about your break-up. Your friends are there to have some FUN with you - they missed you! Even better if you call up your single friends - then you make plans for Friday night and have a good time!!
  • Join a Club. Start a Hobby. You need something to pass the time, to get you involved with other people, and meeting new people!

Things to Remember

  • If you know that the person you are in a relationship with isn't The One, then end it. Don't drag it on in misery. The longer you spend time with this person, the longer it will take for you to meet the person person for you! End it, Grieve it, but then move on!!
  • Don't beat yourself up for the relationship. Every failed relationship is still a part of who you are. Every old partner helped you to where you are today. You experienced and learned things from the time spent with this person - and they were all worthwhile experiences to get you to where you are going in your life.
  • Set some goals for yourself. What do you want out of life? If you set some goals, then you can get up out of your rut and start putting yourself in motion to meet those goals.
  • Take responsibility. There were two people in that relationship, and the one that wasn't you can't be completely at fault for the hardships and failure of the relationship. You played your part. Look back and evaluate what you could have done differently. After all, you want your next relationship to turn out better than this one did - so if there is anything you can learn from your past break-ups, it is how you could do things better in the future.
  • Don't Try To Stay Friends - This is a cop out. How are you going to move on with this person still in your life? Maybe in 3 or 5 years from now you can be friends, but not now, and not anytime in the near future. Let yourself heal so you can be open to meet someone new.. and someone better for you.