Back to Main Page


Comments regarding "Second thoughts about fiance's son ...".
 Second thoughts about fiance's son ... Message #25
I'm 56, she's 40 and she has been in the US for about 3 years.  We’ve been engaged for a year.  I make $200k, she makes $30k.  We were both married before.  We’ve drafted most of the terms for a pre-nup (my requirement).   She has an 8yr child with her parents in Asia – who will qualify to come here in about 5 years. (I am not going to sponsor or adopt him—which would speed things up—but I’ve said “no” to those two options). I already have grown child off to college.

I love my fiance, so at first I figured that I would give the re-run on parenting a try, but I'm starting to change my mind -- I'm not sure if at my age I have the energy or interest to tend to a young child. I've told my fiance that I'm just being honest with her. She feels betrayed, as she thinks “love me, love my kid.”  She says that I am selfish. But I think I am being realistic and practical.   I just got done paying off 8 years and over $500k in alimony and child support… which means I have the next 10 years in which to save for my retirement!  I’m not at all optimistic that I will be happy sharing my home with a 12 year old when I am 61 years old.

Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, the relationship is “OK.”
Physically, it is great.
Economically, it is OK right now, but has big risks as we move into the future.

So I guess it’s not unconditional love from my side.  I need to provide for my future, and am not comfortable committing that the relationship with the son will work out – or that I would want to stay.

While it hurts, I think it’s probably better to break up now, rather than waiting for the boy to come.  


comments (3 so far)
Posted by Bob H.  
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
19:36:58 EST
 
Have your say!

Should Bob H. Stay In or Get Out of this relationship?
Stay In   
   
Get Out      


                        

View Results


 yikes # 45
Clearly you do not love this person, and I question whether you love anyone but yourself.  You are getting your nasty young asian fetish fulfilled, and you don't even have the decency to sponser her kid.  Wow.  Thats love.  It isn't even a fair business deal.  


Posted by cherry667  
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
22:13:04 EST
 Hmmm # 50
I think she should get out...not you...i understand that you have already raised your chidren, and you don't want to raise another one...but if you truly love someone, the people they love should be important to you as well.  You are essentially asking this poor woman to choose between you or her child...if you can stay because you don't know how you will feel about her son 10 years from now, do her a favor and let her find someone more sensitive who will embrace her son.  



Posted by slainte  
Friday, March 16, 2007
17:03:28 EST
 Money, money, money # 52
What you love is you and your money. I am actually surprised you mentioned in 3rd sentence and not 1st.
Do your wife a favor and let her find a man that will actually love her and her kid.


Posted by vanja  
Friday, April 06, 2007
18:44:03 EST



Login or Register to post a comment.