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Welcome to StayInOrGetOut.com, the free relationship counselling site.
Are you in a relationship and not sure if it is time to end it? Tell us your relationship situation and let others vote on whether you should Stay In or Get Out!
| What should I do? | Message #52 |
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My fiance and I have been together for two years, engaged for six months, he is 63 and I am 48. Upon our engagement and plan to marry this year I moved in with him. He has a confidante of 20 years at work with whom he shares all of his and my concerns (she is 63 also), and even tells her when we have arguments. When he is talking to her about business and I enter the room, he will cut short the conversation and hang up. They used to have a relationship very long ago. He has not wanted sex with me for over a year, and used to like kissing and holding me a lot but does not touch me otherwise at all. This has subsided recently, too, and I feel even more rejected. It seems that there is something going on but I don't know what. I cannot talk with him about it, he will get mad. When I asked him when we can plan the wedding, he gets mad also even though we had agreed on a wedding this year. He says that I need to let him take the lead and stop being pushy. He told family and a couple of his closest friends that he is engaged, but not everyone, especially at work.
Other than that he is generous, very reliable and caring, and dependable. Makes 2 or so nice dinner dates per week, nice vacations, etc. Helps me financially with whatever I need. But he gets angry when I even ask the slightest relationship question. I love this man, but don't know what to do anymore. |
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Posted by melanie Saturday, June 27, 2009 05:15:38 EST |
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Have your say! Should melanie Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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If you've been considering leaving your relationship but don't know what you should do. There's a brand new ebook we would like to recommend called "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" The book is written by relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins and is filled with hundreds powerful questions and insights that will help you make that difficult relationship decision. If you are considering whether to stay in or leave your present relationship, we feel this book will help you come to a more clear, conscious choice about whether to stay in or leave your relationship. For more information on this insightful new book, click here. |
| Too Hard to Stay, Too Good to Leave? | Message #51 |
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Wow, I can't believe I am doing this, but I feel like it is time to start looking for help.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We have a 6 year old son. I am 35 and she is 36. Before we got married we dated for 4 years. So as you can see we both have significant portions of our lives tied up in this relationship. We fight all the time, don't communicate anymore, haven't had intimate relations more than twice in the last year. We have just started to see a marriage counselor and have been able to recognize some things to help our relationship, but as we are learning those things, a lot of pain is also coming out. My wife has an eating disorder, refuses to let me see her naked, and doesn't share things with me anymore. I on the other hand feel like since we can't communicate, I don't feel intimate. There is so much built up resentment toward each other I am not sure we can make it through the tangled web. Several people have told me that we shouldn't stay together just for our son because the life we are showing him isn't helping his own development. Don't get me wrong, we both love him more than anything, but I do worry that our fights end up hurting him too. We try not to do that in front of him, but it is very hard. The other part is that I fear we are showing him a relationship that is tolerable at best, horrible at worst. Is this what he thinks a relationship is supposed to be like? Unless you have children, you cannot understand how difficult it is to think of getting divorced when you are including a small child who doesn't understand what is happening. Anyway, my point is that although we are now seeing a counselor, I don't know if I have enough energy to continue through the pain of trying to put this relationship back together. To most people on the outside, we look like a reasonably happy family, but here in this house, we are both very unhappy. Should I keep trying to rebuild this thing, or should I just be done and start a new life? Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I would be happy to answer questions if you have any. Thanks. |
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Posted by aj_stpaul Sunday, May 31, 2009 13:10:18 EST |
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Have your say! Should aj_stpaul Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Love V.S lifestyle | Message #50 |
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We are 25 years old and have been together for 7 years. There was one major break up in college, it was the most difficult year for both of us. We dated others and it was fun but not the same. We came back together, he proposed to me, we moved in together. Its been a year living together in the town we went to high school with (we were on the other coast for most of our relationship) he now has been hanging out with his high school buddies, a lot. Before moving back, he stopped drinking or smoking, he never had a problem with it from the beginning but just felt to completely stop it for clarity and spiritual reasons. But since being with his high school friends he completely declined. I have become a nag, complaining to him I don't like what he is doing, so he moves further away from me. I have huge fits, he tells me to leave him alone and that he doesn't want to live like this forever but he needs to let this do its thing. I tell him to hurry up. He ask me to wait, it wont take long. He is depress. It has been bogging my lifestyle, so last week I moved out. I told him we can't talk for awhile. He told me he knows why I am complaining and that he has been a horrible boyfriend. Basically, writes to me that he will get better and that he loves me, doesn't want to break up but maybe time apart will help. I love him with all my heart, we had major plans together, we want to have children together and buy a house. But my tolerance for his behavior is so short, should I suck it up? He wants to move back out west, he knows his high school friends aren't good for him. I tell him he needs self discipline because he is bound to meeting losers like them again. What would you do? Love or Lifestyle? What is his chance of getting better? Has anyone had this experience? |
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Posted by sarahabearah Saturday, March 07, 2009 13:40:04 EST |
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Have your say! Should sarahabearah Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Its illegal for us to see each other, and it will end in one month anyways | Message #49 |
| I am 17 (turning 18 in three months), my boyfriend of two months is 23. We both like each other very much, and things are starting to get serious, but we will have to end our relationship in one month. I have already tried ending it, and he is begging me not to. I was completely heartbroken when I did suggest parting ways, and I can't imagine how much harder it will be one month from now (I'm liking him more and more with each day). He says the good memories that we will have will be worth the pain in the end. Another reason why I want to end it is because it is illegal for us to date, and I don't want him to get in trouble. Should I get out of this relationship now, or stay for another month? | |
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Posted by Happie Sunday, December 14, 2008 05:35:53 EST |
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Have your say! Should Happie Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| No marriage? | Message #48 |
| I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 28 years old. Yes, age gap i thought would be a problem at first but we've been together over a year now, the only arguments we get into are because of his work. He's a manager somewhere and Ill admit Im not that understanding, whatever, stupid arguments we get over. Thats all we fight about. He doesn't believe in marriage. I have always wanted to find the right guy and get married ONE day and start a family later on. I love this guy with all my heart, and although I am young but have been in a relationship for up to 4 years, I really feel like this guy is the one. I don't know if it's because of his maturity level because of age or what. He takes care of me, and has never wronged me. I find myself still falling more in love with this guy each day even after a year, but he's expressed his feelings on marriage pretty clear, He doesnt believe in it and never wants to get married, It bothers me because if we can make it I will end up wanting more (a marriage).. What should I do?? | |
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Posted by nataliegrl Tuesday, November 04, 2008 19:22:52 EST |
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Have your say! Should nataliegrl Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Im too old to lose the life i wanted for so long | Message #47 |
| I am 33 years old and the mother of my little girl is 23. when we first got together she was intrested in everything and i wanted to show her everything that i knew. she had problems with drugs as did i at the time. we stopped and are both in an outpatient program due to relapse after baby girl was born. i had to tell her mother what was going on so she wouldn't run off with my little girl and possibly regret things later. call it controlling but i had to do whatever i could to keep an eye on my child. now we cant seem to get along and she has no respect for me. she works for my mom which also has no respect for me due to drug abuse but my mother doesnt seem to mind "amy's" history of drug abuse. im in college about to graduate and amy has no regard for our future. i am trying to go to my meetings and get futher help but amy wont go and her mother does not encourage her to get help either. she would like to believe that amy would not have a problem if i werent around, but she has no idea what a mixed up slut her daughter was before i came into the picture. i am not prooud of things i know about her but i cant judge. and i do care about her and at times love her. she doesnt want to be loved but i have to have a stable life for my daughter. i know what a loving relationship feels like. i was in one at one time, and this is not how it felt. there is no trust and no respect. can these things be achieved through therapy as we work on ourselves or do i just need to let go. remember she will never allow me be an acting father in my childs life and will possibly jump right into another relationship turning me into "uncle daddy." i hate how she uses me and has the nerve to act ike im the embarassing one when she cant even go to my grandfathers funeral without bitching because since im serving in the mass she doesnt know who to sit with. or dont leave me, but as soon as she gets comfortable around my little brother she wants to stay a little too long around him. she is so concerned with my brother and our daughter's relationship but she doesnt bring "k" to her own family's houses.and back to the drug thing i want to get off the medication that we are on but she seems to have no intentions of stopping and without therapy if i leave the meds could turn right back into hard drugs and a new daddy. im so sick i am getting ulcers. i rambled tonight but please help me make sense of all this. should i stay or should i go | |
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Posted by dixiedada Friday, October 31, 2008 08:33:43 EST |
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Have your say! Should dixiedada Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Should I stay with my boyfriend? | Message #46 |
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I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I am divorced. I have a 7 year old daughter and my boyfriend just recently packed up and moved all of his stuff and said he was done. However he has done this approximately 4 times. This time does seem different and I am tired of the instability. When we fight it is over the dumbest stuff. The problem is we cannot communicate he just blows up. For the most part he is awesome to me and then there is the part of him that is stubborn, angry, and he does have a problem with money and lies. What do you guys think. I am worried mostly about the leaving (afraid he wont always be there for me and my daughter) part since I have a 7 year old daughter....What is your advice?
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Posted by Help Tuesday, September 30, 2008 11:22:09 EST |
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Have your say! Should Help Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| SHOULD I STAY OR GO | Message #45 |
| I started dating this guy in March of this year and on June 30 he called me and told me that is ex had just found out she was pregnant and that she was due in October. My problem is that I really care about him and it's gettin close to her due date and I don't know what to do, I've been hurt so many times in a relationship, but a have feelings for him that I have never had for a guy before and, I would hate to push him away if he turns out to be Mr. right. He tells me he won't hurt me and that he doesn't want to be with her, but I know how fast things can change once the baby comes. What should I do? | |
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Posted by UNSURE Wednesday, August 27, 2008 17:39:05 EST |
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Have your say! Should UNSURE Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Jailbait Love him or leave him? | Message #43 |
| Ok Im 19 and my boyfriend is 18. We have been together(this time. This is our 2nd time getting back together)for about 3 months. He got locked up a month ago. Since then he has called everyday(except the weekends) twice a day. He claims that he loves me and has become a changed man. There are 2 children invovled, his and mine. I have one from a previous relationship and so does he. He is not in her life BUT promises to do so when he gets out. My question is since I REALLY love him and want to be with him Should I stay and try to work things out or let him go? | |
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Posted by SexyDiva19 Monday, August 25, 2008 12:13:10 EST |
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Have your say! Should SexyDiva19 Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| Eric | Message #42 |
| Ok well. I am going with this guy and he is cute and funny. But i rarly talk to him bc i see him during classes. and he is grounded. should i break up with him? and he is bi meaning he likes girls and boys. | |
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Posted by ixtapaync Wednesday, April 02, 2008 18:10:10 EST |
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Have your say! Should ixtapaync Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| HELP | Message #41 |
| I am 21 one years old and have not had a serious relationship before my now boyfriend Jonathan. We have been together for 2 years now and I have gone through some tough things together. Lately I have been wondering what else is out there, I have only had sex with Jonathan and wonder what I am missing. Jonathan and I have a great connection and we really are great together however, I cant get over the fact that I have never been with someone else… he has asked me to marry him and since he has asked this thought cant leave me. I want to make the right choice but, I am not sure what that is. what should I do? | |
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Posted by whattodo Monday, March 10, 2008 20:57:13 EST |
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Have your say! Should whattodo Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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| He has to leave! | Message #40 |
| I love him dearly, and I know he loves me. We belong together. The problem? His daughter is 3 states away. His ex-girlfriend took off and left him, pretty much stranded. He has started picking up the pieces of his broken life and getting back to where he needs to be. He misses his daughter terribly, and plans on moving to where she lives. It will take him some time; he needs a certain amount of money saved up before he can just relocate, but he has every intention of getting there as quickly as he can. I cannot leave. My daughter is here (and so is her father, to whom I have vowed never to take her away from), all my family is here, and I have a nice career here. This is my home. But I love him dearly and want him to be happy, and a good father as well. I cannot ask him to stay, and neglect his daughter like that. Knowing that he will be leaving in a year or so, do I continue with this relationship, knowing it will end, or do I stay with him, and enjoy the time we have left together, and hope for the best? And if we stay together, how do we make it work, knowing there is no future in it? | |
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Posted by Sloth4shy Friday, February 08, 2008 14:48:25 EST |
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Have your say! Should Sloth4shy Stay In or Get Out of this relationship? |
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